Have you ever observed a herd of horses? Or seen a documentary about them? If so, there are ongoing lessons we can take from them when it comes to communication.
Firstly, they are prey animals. They live in herds and they are able to survive in nature due to their adept communication skills. Notice that these skills are almost completely non-verbal, something that we humans seem to put aside, relying almost completely on our words.
In a herd there is an alpha mare, a female, leading from the front. She determines what direction the herd moves. From behind there is a stallion, his job is to make sure all the horses stay together as a group as well as determine the pace that the herd moves. Together this couple protects hundreds and even thousands of horses in nature, each time passing non-verbal communications and “be careful” signals to one another. When one horse reacts, there is a chain reaction of reactions so that each horse passes it on to the next one.
Horses live in the here-and-now, allowing them to forget and act anew to every situation, not holding grudges or insecurities the way we humans do. This is an important lesson that we can try and learn from them about approaching each situation from a new and clean place without hesitations or expectations holding us back.
“When two people are committed to the same vision, just as the mare and stallion are, the heard moves forward and remains safe.”
As a couple or as people looking to find their partners we can learn from the herd. Vision. Vision is an important characteristic of both dating and marriage. When two people are committed to the same vision, just as the mare and stallion are, the herd moves forward and remains safe. Horses’ vision is to find safety, food, and water – something similar although more simple than peoples’ visions. As a couple it is important to discuss long term visions because these visions are what move the family. When two people hold the same vision in mind the couple is able to grow together and not pull each other in different directions.
Working with horses allows one to check in on their communication skills. When a person wants to accomplish something with a horse yet is not able to, it shows us that his brain and heart are not aligned and the horses pick up on his inconsistency.
“…her thoughts and feelings were clearly not aligned and therefore there was no cooperation from the horse.”
Last week, I had a manager come to a workshop and tell me she wants to be more assertive because she’s not accomplishing enough with her employees. After each participant was asked to lead a horse in a way that suited them, she decided to get the horse to run. She was the only one that attempted this and while others complimented her creativity and ability to challenge herself, she was not able to get the horse to run. Even after picking up a crop, which is the symbol of assertiveness, she could not accomplish the task she’d set for herself. After discussing what had happened she revealed her fears that the employees would not be dedicated to working for her if she was too assertive with them, something that not only held her back in her job but frustrated her and her employees. In this example her thoughts and feelings were clearly not aligned and therefore there was no cooperation from the horse.
As people looking into getting into a relationship or newlywed couples it is important to communicate our wants and desires from an honest place. Too many people have a hard time determining what they want or not revealing what they want and it can pay a toll on the relationship. Relationships are about each side communicating their wants, ensuring my partner’s wants are met, and holding a mutual vision of where our family is going. This we can take from the horses as they do it instinctively while we have to work much harder to achieve it.
Leah Charney Prejserowicz is an equine-assisted psychotherapist and group facilitator living in Ra’anana. She’s originally South African and lived in Canada for 8 years. She treats women and teens individually and together, and parents to improve their connections and also runs short-term workshops for team building and leadership development. She works in Beit Yehoshua and Hod Hasharon in both Hebrew and English according to the International EAGALA method, a non-riding, ground work approach that helps people improve communication by gaining immediate feedback from the horses. For more details, you can reach her at 052-577-4748, or leahtipul@gmail.com.
