With the governor allowing religious gatherings of up to 10 people, we have compiled a list of non-essential mispallelim so you can know if you are indeed unwelcome in the limited and exclusive minyan…
1. Wrap up tefillin after kedusha guy – Look, this is pretty self explanatory, we need Amein answers, if you’re wrapping up to go, you’re out.
2. Middle Class Baal Habuss – We appreciated your donation of $50 by the annual dinner, but that doesn’t cut it, and your little pouch of quarters is appreciated when we come around by chazaras hashatz, but you never bid and we got bills to pay.
3. Bachurim – Go make your own minyan. Unless you’re the pesukei d’zimrah or Gelilah kid. Let’s face it, you annoy the older mispallelim for some unknown reason but we cant have that.
4. Chronic Noseblowers – Your nasal sounds have gotten out of hand, the constant blowing, sniffling, and coughing up flem disqualifies you. Plus we’re sick and tired of finding loose used tissues on the tables.
5. Talkers – You were doing fine in your backyard/basement minyan. Ya, we know.
6. Leining corrector guys – Nobody likes you
7. The Kiddush Club – (See number 5 for the explanation).
8. Latecomers – (See number 7)
9. the guys who fight over opening the windows
10. “Babysitter dad”
11. the guy who checks the the thermostat multiple times but never actually adjusts it…
