Following up on last night’s blog. Should Avi approach his good friend about his girlfriend’s nasty ways? Or, should he let his friend figure it out on his own?
We got several interesting responses from our readers:
Shira: “He needs to talk to him! That’s what friends are for. If I were seeing someone who treated others awfully, I would want to know. We don’t live in a bubble and have to be open to feedback. A good friend will realize Avi is coming from the right place. If he really cares, he has to sacrifice his friendship for his friend’s future.”
Zlatti: “Avi should speak to his friend’s father. Father knows best. Father will approach his son.”
Zev: “No way! Let his friend figure it out. You can’t be a know it all or stick your nose in where it doesn’t belong. Maybe she makes his friend happy. Who is Avi to judge their relationship?”
Miriam: “I have no clue what Avi should do. But good luck with that one! It’s pretty much a no win.”
All great responses! Now for The Navidaters’ response:
We truly do see the validity of all approaches, and even validate Miriam’s feeling of the situation being a “no-win.” Sometimes one must do a cost-benefit analysis.
Is the benefit of Avi possibly “saving” his friend from a life of psychological and emotional abuse more important than the cost of angering his friend or even possibly losing the friendship? Ultimately, the decision is a personal one and Avi has to decide. We think the best option is for Avi to have a heart to heart with his friend.
Ask you friend when would be a good time to talk and schedule an appointment. Whether it be over lunch or at his house. Don’t drop a bomb on him, aka “I don’t like your girlfriend” over a basketball game. Avi, we have prepared a script for you to review and use at your discretion. It goes a little something like this:
“There is something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about but haven’t been able to find the words. Our friendship means so much to me and I would never want to step on your toes. I’ve been debating back and forth but ultimately decided that you mean too much to me for me not to say anything.” (Clue him in to your internal dialogue and struggle and continue) “I have some concerns about your girlfriend. I’ve noticed she has said some less than nice things to me. I’m wondering if she doesn’t like me. Have you seen her treat others this way?” Take it from there. Avi, there is no way of knowing how your friend will respond. This is not an easy situation and we can’t promise you that your friend will take this information well. Convey to him that at the end of the day you support him and his decision and nothing will alter that.
Avi, good luck! Please let us know what you decide! Good luck!
The Navidaters are dating and relationship coaches and strategists. We provide emotional support and empowerment strategies to singles of all ages and stages. Check out the different packages we offer. If something is bothering you about your relationship or you’re looking for dating advice and tips, don’t delay one another day. Call us to schedule your appointment. We are available in our Lawrence, NY location, via phone and Skype.