Whew – what a relief! That first anxious shidduch date must have gone well after all since the shadchen informed you that he/she wants to continue with a second date. That is good news, at least potentially good news. In theory, your stress levels should be way down. Making conversation the second time around shouldn’t seem like such an intimidating prospect. However you might want to lower the expectations that you formed because of the success of the first date. The main goal of the conversation on your second date is to keep the momentum going and keep it interesting. What you want to avoid are any of those dreaded awkward silences.
Keep in mind that it’s all about the conversation when it comes to the first few dates. It’s the main thing that’s going to make you decide whether your first impression was right, if the two of you are clicking, and if this person might actually be your beshert.
Are you feeling anxious now? Don’t worry! Here are a few general suggestions to make you feel a little more confident.
Following up on what you talked about during the first shidduch date is a great way to start things off. Plus, it can lead the conversation in many other directions depending on what the actual topic is. You can feel relaxed and talking is natural. You’ll feel even more comfortable when the conversation starts flowing.
For example, if one of you mentioned a particularly hectic upcoming day, ask how it actually turned out. Or, if on the first date, s/he mentioned plans to go somewhere or do something specific ask how it went. Besides being a good conversation starter, it also shows you’ve been paying attention, which bodes well for any future relationship.
Shaindy: So did you manage to get to the airport on time to pick up your grandmother?
Moishy: Oh yeah, that turned out okay but first I got stuck in the most
insane traffic jam and I thought I’d be late for sure but when I got to JFK
it turned out that her plane was delayed and hadn’t even arrived yet!
Shaindy: Really? Something like that once happened to me too!
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Many of the best conversation topics for a second date are the same or similar as those for a first date. However now that you know each other a bit better, you can peel back a layer and get slightly more personal.
Talking about your hopes, dreams and plans for the future can make for a fascinating conversation.
Your date may appear to find you interesting but keep in mind that you should not chat exclusively about yourself. You also want your date to talk about her/himself.
Ask where they would like to be in five or ten years.
Moishy: Well, you see, I’ve always been interested in the idea of doing kiruv in some far-flung community and teaching them all about the joys and meaningfulness of a Torah lifestyle.
Shaindy: Kiruv, mm, okay, I can sort of understand that. Just as long as the far-flung community is within a three hour drive of my parent’s home in Flatbush and has at least one kosher take-out restaurant.
Moishy: Actually, I was thinking of someplace further…. more exotic and a lot more interesting. Here, let me show you a picture of it.
Shaindy: Antarctica! Oh my gosh – are you serious? How many Yidden could there be in Antarctica?
Moishy: Well, don’t forget there are penguins too… they already look yeshivish!