Secret Smoker Dating Dilemma/ The Navidaters

With my client’s permission, I present you with Rachel’s dating dilemma.  Rachel called me the other day to see if The Navidaters could help her with a certain issue that had freshly arisen in her relationship.  She has been seeing someone special for a month.  Two nights ago, over dinner he revealed to her that he has been keeping a secret.  Rachel’s boyfriend is a smoker.  Nachi is not a social smoker, but the “real deal,” one pack a day smoker.


When Nachi broke this news to Rachel she said her world “collapsed.”  She thinks he could be the one but currently is hurt on two levels.  The first is that he smokes, plain and simple.  Rachel said that her father is a heavy smoker and throughout her childhood she resented this habit terribly.  She was/is always worried about her father’s health and thinks that smokers are selfish people who don’t care about how much their loved ones worry about them.  Rachel said she doesn’t know if she can go down this path in adulthood.

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The second reason Rachel is hurting is that Nachi lied to her.  Rachel told Nachi that she felt betrayed.  Nachi told Rachel how sorry he is for “lying” but said the advice he was given was to reveal this information as they got more serious.  He wanted to tell her immediately.

The cherry on top is that Nachi says he will quit smoking when he is engaged.  He doesn’t want smoking to be a part of his life, and that if smoking is a “deal breaker” he will quit.

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When I spoke to Rachel she was panicked.  She immediately arranged a Date Intervention for herself and her boyfriend.

What do you think Rachel should do?  Email or call us at 516.224.7779.  Do you have an issue in your relationship that you would like to talk about with a warm, caring and objective third party?  The Navidaters are licensed psychotherapists and dating and relationship coaches.  We want help to feel accessible to you.  Our advice:  When you walk down that aisle, you should have a free head with the knowledge that everything is out on the table.  Things don’t “go away” once you are married.  Work it out before!

Our write up and ad is in this weekend’s edition of the Five Towns Jewish Times.  Get your copy today.  Read over a good piece of cake and a hot cup of tea!  Enjoy!  Good Shabbos!!


Jennifer Mann, Navidater


PS – Would you date someone who was rude to a waiter?  Check out our blog, Dating Discourse and look for ” What To Do About a Waiter Hater.”  Leave a reply!  We always get back to you! Follow us on facebook, instagram and twitter for more interesting articles, blogs and pics!